While nowhere conclusive, I think I have decided what I want to do. As much as I really do want to be a paramedic, I think I want to be a chef even more. And ultimately, if I become a chef, then I can move back here and get my medic and run part-time with that. I know, ridiculous. It really doesn't matter, since I don't have the funds to do either.
But the more food magazines I read, the more internet sites I visit, the more Food Network shows I watch, the more I want to be able to wear the Chef Whites with the knowledge and expertise to back them up. I want to know not just how to cook a certain dish, but the chemistry, the science behind it. Why does one technique work better than another, what options for getting to the final result are there, that sort of thing. I want to be able to go home to my parents, to make them a superb gourmet meal without having to look at a cookbook every five minutes. I want to know how to correctly use all the tools of the trade. I want to create great works of culinary art, to be able to put a dish in front of someone and have them say it's beautiful and wonderful without even tasting it. I want to cook a meal for my family that amazes them, shows them new foods, new techniques. I want to be somebody of note. I am scared to death of being a nobody my entire life, of dying insignificant and inconsequential.
Like I said, nowhere near conclusive, but it's a start. And you can't get anywhere without starting.